Back from the depths of the internet: Confidence, Round 2

It's been way too long since I made my last post. My last post was more than two weeks before Halloween! So much has happened since then. Several times I've considered writing again, and I've decided to finally give it another shot. I'm having trouble keeping up with my other blog, but I'm usually much more compelled to write in this blog anyway!

Now that awkward spiel is out of the way, I suppose I should make my awkward transition to a topic I'm not sure how to open. I'd like to talk about confidence, because we'd all love to have some of that pie, right!?

I love confidence. Everyone loves confidence. You might not know or notice, but confidence is usually one of the best things a person can possess. Confidence is applicable in a lot of areas, not just romantic ones (for instance, getting that really awesome job at Kmart you've always wanted). Confidence works wonders in the love department nonetheless. I have this friend--let's say his name is Paolo, because that's a really sweet name--who is definitely very fun, personable, outgoing, and goofy. I think it's the goofiness that gets me the most, because it's his most defining feature in my opinion. Paolo gets more girls than god, lemme tell you. I'm always impressed how many girls he gets. Thing is, he's not a player douchebag either. He can get any girl he wants because he is extremely confident. Confidence owns all.

Granted, I lack confidence all the time. A couple of posts ago, I said... "the only time I was confident was the day after a random hook up. I could tell there was something different about me because I would get looks from girls and turn heads in the cafeteria. It was a great feeling to feel that confident, and when you are that confident, one seems to exude confidence which in most people’s minds is quite sexy. Confidence conquers." My claim to fame recently is crossing girls off my list left and right at the end of this summer following an absolutely crushing blow to my self esteem, confidence, and general well being. I had to prove to myself I could do it, and I did it, and it was easy. It felt great to know I could get girls if I wanted to. This sounds kinda slutty I admit, but it doesn't have to be really.

Let's say you're currently in a pickle: you're single and very aware of it. You're very single, very, very aware of it, and it's making you sad. I've been there too many times and it sucks, I know. In situations like this, you can't sit back and wait for someone to find you because that's a lot less likely to happen. Being pro active is a much better route. Trust me. Especially at a lot of schools where the female-to-male ratio is heavily tipped in the female end, it can be really hard for single girls in this situation to lure boys. Here's what I would do in a situation like this:

First of all, I'd question why I'm going after boys at a school like that, since I'm straight, but that's besides the point. The hardest part by FAR is getting in touch the the person you're crushing on (quite frankly, it's kinda silly not to have a crush or two--goals--to focus on). This can be made really easy if you share a class with them, because you can ask them you can copy their notes, study with them for an exam, ask for help on a paper, etc. Even if you kinda have to go out of your way to find common ground with them (like saying you're really interested in that topic of the class too even if you're not), it's the most important part. If you don't have a class with them, hopefully you know someone who is friends with them. If you don't have any classes with them and you don't know any mutual connections, it can be tricky but it's not the end of the world.

I wouldn't suggest creepily adding them on Facebook. It probably won't work. I'm more in favor of complimenting them in some way in the cafeteria, the cafe, the library, the pool, the sauna where you buy your crack, etc., as a means of making contact with them. Really short conversations are a good way to get your feet wet and to get that someone to notice you. They'll recognize your face, the way you look, and your voice. You can slowly work your way up from there. I like to use humor and silliness as a way to bridge these first few gaps, with something like, "Oh bother, you're not wearing your awesome Pikachu shirt today. I'm bumming." It's an easy ice breaker, and unless they're a total douche, they should reply with a smile and hopefully something in response that you can build into a short conversation. Just be sure to not hold them down for too long or seem desperate. Pretend someone really cute likes you when you're talking to them to boost your confidence. Better yet, if there's a chance of seeing them, wear your favorite shirt to make you feel more comfortable and you'll be more confident as a result. It works.

After you've made some initial contact, it's important to try to see them on more of a regular basis. I really like having lunch or dinner or studying in a common area. It's important to not be all creepy and be like "OH HAI SO LIKE SINCE I LIKE YOUR PIKACHU SHIRT AND I SAID SOMETHING FUNNY, YOU WANNA WRITE ESSAYS TOGETHER IN MY ROOM WITH OUR PANTS OFF?" Dinner in the cafeteria or studying in the library is a really easy thing to suggest for several reasons: one, it's something you do every day and can be worked out if it might not work for a few days due to clashing of schedules. Two, it's very non threatening because they're in well known, public places where a lot of people spend a lot of time anyway. Three, it's a laid back atmosphere and can also be a great social atmosphere. I'd suggest to go with a few more friends to make it easier on you and to not make it seem completely obvious that it's a date. Just be careful: you don't wanna spend too much attention on your friends rather than your target, because that's just lame and doesn't make your guest feel as welcome.

After you've gotten to the stage where you've gotten to know them a bit, include them to bigger things. Maybe to the campus theater for a movie (where a lot of people will be), or if you're a little more gutsy, invite them to your suite or room for a group movie viewing. Don't be afraid to ask a few times if they can't join you the first time. Just don't text them every hour asking if they can make it. I hate this.

I'll end this very tired post by saying as a guy, I am usually very flattered when a girl walks up to me and tries to start a conversation. It takes a lot of guts to try to start a conversation with someone you might not know. It's important to be very open and inquire about them because a lot of people like talking about themselves, because a lot of people like attention. Just remember to hold your head high if it doesn't work out. There are more fish out there, I promise.