Asthenia

This was my profile picture a little while back, and I have the following caption underneath it: "I got my bow tie and my space helmet. So ready to venture the cosmos! I just hope I don't experience asthenia!" Another one of my music heroes, Pouyan Afkary of Scary Kids Scaring Kids commented on my picture saying, "As long as your attitude exists, there is hope for a better future."

"[The song Asthenia] is about one thing only, an astronaut sitting in a space capsule about the size of a car, floating above the earth. He's contemplating if even coming back or not will make a difference on such a negative place. A song about the loss of hope. A term was coined for the breakdown of life in space and it is called Asthenia."
- Tom DeLonge

So far I’ve mentioned Tom and his work quite a few times. This is because Tom’s music has been seminal in my quest to change and love life. Even though a lot of music fans don’t appreciate him, he’s my favorite musician. I think part of his goal in writing music is to influence (younger) people and show them the good things in life, although this is a common goal amongst musicians.

I think the concept of Asthenia highlights many common (mis)conceptions about our wold. There is quite a lot wrong with our planet: global climate change, overpopulation, disease, starvation, poverty, fighting over land among other issues. I think it’s important to realize there’s very little you can do about these problems on a global scale. But there’s plenty you can do on a singular level.

One: you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Knowing and loving yourself can take quite some time. I’m still learning who I am and I’m always changing, so it can be a challenge. I get frustrated with myself on occasion, thus it can be difficult to love myself.

It’s funny… after my recent break up I felt like complete shit and had no confidence. Partly due to my aching heart, and partly to prove to myself I could find other women, I found myself moving on to other women pretty quickly after. Part of loving yourself is having confidence. You might not have confidence in your near future or the world around you, but knowing you can do anything you set your mind to will get you started in the right direction.

Two: even though you might now want to at sometimes, and even though a lot of people in this world are complete assholes who don’t deserve second chances, you should try to love everyone. Ever stop to think that the recluse who wears funny clothes and hates everyone goes through his or her life that way because everyone else hates them? I believe to a certain extent everyone can be a good person. Some people are weaker than others and fall into a trap where they exude too much negative energy to allow anyone in. My advice is to work on people to let you in, let others into your life, and try to love everyone. Hate is an easy emotion, but loving someone takes guts.

Three: keep your chin up. Yeah, life totally sucks sometimes. Sometimes, I want to give up and get rid of everything. But you know what? I press on. In my times of “despair”, I try to remember the things that make me happy. The things that make me laugh. The things that make me smile. The things in life I appreciate. A friend once told me to look at life like a wave: sometimes you have bad days and others you’ll have good days. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the bad days. Just keep riding that wave until you come back up again. I sometimes forget this and get frustrated with myself when things are going poorly again. It happens.

Four: the world will continue to be the crappy, horrible, depressing place… unless you fix it. Yes, it does seem overwhelming, but by adopting a negative attitude, the world will not get better. A single person can have an incredibly impact on their surroundings. Love, passion, and kindness are infectious. Things might not always proceed in a positive linear fashion, but giving up will never accomplish anything.

My best friend in the world has had a pretty rough life, and I don’t know how he keeps going. Our relationship was pretty sure until he saw me break down for the first time. I cried for the first time in years and poured my heart out to him. I didn’t feel like I was going anywhere, and I knew if I took my life he might not go on without me. I remember very clearly him saying it was like seeing me naked for the first time. Since then we’ve been a solid foundation and the best of friends. I think it’s important to try to find at least one person you can share this sort of relationship with. The human race is a social one. Find someone you can love no matter what happens.

Five: take your week one day at a time. While it never hurts to have weekly goals and to plan out your week, worrying about that exam on Friday is only going to make your life that much more stressful. Buddhism is a lot about living in the moment you’re in. Don’t stress the past because you can’t change it, and don’t stress the future but it’ll only become harder if you do. On my busiest days of the school week, I certainly don’t want to get out of bed at 8:30 (early for a college student) and go to my million lectures, labs and meetings. Sometimes it helps to wake up and say out loud: “I’m going to kick today’s ass!”

“If I had a chance for another try,
I wouldn’t change a thing
It's made me all of who I am inside
And if I could thank god
That I am here, and that I am alive
And everyday I wake
I tell myself a little harmless lie
"The whole wide world is mine”
- Rite of Spring, Angels & Airwaves